Do you know your ABCs? (It’s not what you think.)
I will never forget that cold winter night when I had a profound epiphany that compelled me to pull over my car in the middle of downtown Calgary. Tears were coming down my face. I was covered in goosebumps.
I was on my way home after meeting with some friends. Every two weeks, we gathered to discuss any parenting challenges we were facing and to help deconstruct issues using tools we had learned in our training. For a while, I had been struggling with my three-year old daughter and I was desperately trying to figure out what was going on.
With so many years of personal development under my belt together with leadership experience and coaching, I was convinced this shouldn’t be so complicated! After all, I was already diving into child development courses and I already was aware that our children are mirrors to us – they reflect what it is in us that we need to heal. I was very puzzled though.
At this time, I was on a leave of absence from my corporate human resources job and my everyday struggles with my daughter were real. They were hard and heartbreaking. She had meltdowns and tantrums of epic proportions. I was devastated and clueless as to what to do to help. I was shocked by the intensity of her tantrums and didn’t understand why they were happening. It was tough not to put a wall up and take it personally.
Acceptance is the Bridge to Connection, or ABC
My epiphany came out of nowhere it seemed. I was a little bit resigned after the meeting and I would say I was feeling very hopeless. I was very quiet and too tired to think, but all of a sudden it occurred to me: I do not accept my daughter for who she truly is because I do not accept myself for who I am!
I realized that the extent to which we accept ourselves is the extent to which we will be able to accept others. I was not accepting myself as “just” a stay-at-home mom! After many years of schooling and working, I was making a conscious choice to stay home with my kids, but my ego was screaming. My fear was huge. I was stepping into the unknown territory. It would be 100 times easier for me to go back to work especially with the challenges I was having at home, but my heart was already telling me… this is where your work is. If you want to transform, you need to do this work. If you want connection with your children – above all else – you must look at yourself in the mirror.
Wow. I thought to myself, was I ready for this? Am I able to accept myself first, so that I can accept my daughter and those around me? I decided to take on the challenge five years ago and I have not looked back. Acceptance is the foundation to connection, and that day, I started building the bridge.
Today, I help moms, dads, stepparents, grandparents, aunties and uncles, and positive parenting influences cultivate a new awareness, greater presence and deeper connection with themselves and the children in their lives. The fundamentals of conscious parenting help to guide this journey.
I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes that inspires me in my daily practice of conscious parenting and reminds me of the why.
“You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
Are you ready to start building that bridge? Get started.