What is Conscious Parenting?
Have you ever wondered what your style of parenting is and where it comes from? There are many different ways to parent. Many styles and approaches. Most of us, however, parent the way that we were parented ourselves. We do so unconsciously. Unless we awaken and consciously decide to parent differently, we tend to follow the same patterns of our own upbringing.
Something Had to Change
My challenging relationship with my daughter quickly illuminated this for me early on. Meltdowns and intense tantrums were becoming part of our “daily routine”. My heart was breaking as I was using all the traditional parenting tools that were starting to backfire in a big way. Our relationship kept waning and I felt helpless and watched my behaviour in disbelief. I often wondered, where do my reactions actually come from?
My epiphany came when I realized that I was conditioned and asleep. I was using the traditional parenting approach which mainly focuses on the child – where the primary tools are discipline and punishment and high levels of control. Where there is this definite, unspoken but implied hierarchy and a belief that a child is ‘lesser than’ and needs to be fixed and molded and shaped. This felt really unnatural and uncomfortable to me. It felt wrong. And it wasn’t working for us. I started waking up to it but still had no idea how to change it until I came across the conscious parenting method.
Connection and Awareness
Conscious parenting focuses on the parent – its main tools are connection with the child, presence, holding clear boundaries and modeling. Conscious parenting uses introspection and self-awareness and it sees the parent-child relationship as a dance and symbiosis. It’s a reciprocal relationship of a teacher-student, student-teacher. By focusing on the parent with this method, the parent raises the child within themselves before raising the child before them. There is an understanding that the sacred purpose of the child is to awaken the parent’s own evolution.
Through conscious parenting, we can become attuned to what energy and attitudes we are bringing into our day-to-day relationship with our child. With heightened awareness, we can’t help but notice our own energy. We develop a stronger sense of self-control of our own triggers and emotions. We can learn to deconstruct these triggers – and with that, our own healing begins.
We ask different questions and look inward instead of pointing the finger at the child. When we stop focusing on the behaviour of the child and instead, focus on how we – as parents – need to grow and evolve, our children will demonstrate to us in a plethora of ways what our issues are. These issues are not to be fixed, but are the parts of ourselves that we have not yet accepted and developed love for. What a true gift.
I’ll leave you with this insightful quote from my mentor who inspires me in my daily practice of conscious parenting.
“The focus is always on the parent’s awareness rather than the child’s behaviour. When parents are aware in the present moment, learning and growing alongside their children, the entire family thrives.”
Curious about how conscious parenting can awaken your parenting journey? Let’s chat.